What is your whole life worth? And would you change it if you could?
A few days ago I celebrated a birthday. It was quiet and I was surrounded by my immediate family. In the evening I cut into a very scrumptious chocolate cake baked by my little sister and I took some pictures. That’s what I remember. Those moments, though vaguely described are the snippets that my subconcious tucked away- and whenever I recall this birthday, those are the memories that will resurface. I measured my day by its moments. There were no fireworks, no restaurant, no fancy food; just the smiling faces of my loved ones championing me, congratulating me and making a silent promise by their presence to be there, always.
Not so long ago, I stood beside my husband as he said goodbye to his mom. And while that day in itself was indeed a solemn occassion, what I remember is a guy fighting desperately to hold back the unrush of tears, so he joked with his friends instead. His pain would not pass his eyes, and he held his breath and I don’t believe he breathed until all of it was over. Until she was in the ground. Until he said goodbye forever. I will never forget that. And neither will he. That moment will remain with us…I believe for eternity.
Earlier this year, I said goodbye to my yorkie. His name was Buddy Blue. And I cannot begin to describe to you, what I felt during and after the moments of his passing. Somehow, the way he died left an indelible mark on my memory, and if I’m not careful, it begins to influence my fondest thoughts of him, marring it with darkness and gloom and despair.
I bet, if you were to be completely honest, you’d say that there are moments fixated in your mind that have the potential to jade even the best of memories. To those I say, resist.
And then, there are other scenarios; beautiful, peaceful, calm, serene moments that you have embedded in your being, so deeply, that even the stain of bad days can’t infringe. To them I say, remember.
Because we measure life by moments- we are hardwired that way. And whether we decide to accept it or negate it, our lives can be summed up by the moments we hold dear, captured in joy, laughter and sheer bliss. It is summed up by the moments we replay over and over, until we are depressed and by the moments we sometimes will our minds to forget.
We forget sometimes that activity does not always mean great quality. And in those seasons when our lives are marked by quiet moments we begin to write ourselves off. Don’t do it anymore. Activity communicates quantity, but your moments will dictate the quality of life you leave behind. You can shape your moments until they become the hallmark of your acheivements. Work and rework them until they are a testament of all the failures you never let stand in your way. Design them, fashion them into the legacy you envisioned for yourself when you were just five. Define them so that they can define you! You get to make them count. And you can start right now. RIGHT NOW!
What is your whole life worth? And would you change it if you could? I don’t know about you, but I’m almost sure I’ve exhausted the number of times a person should ask themself these questions. Maybe, it is simply because I want my life to mean something. Or maybe there are parts of the story I am ready to change. But then I wonder, almost instantly about how much I’d be changing my entire story. If the sum of each part, makes the whole, won’t it all change if I start replacing pieces?
And if none of that makes sense to you, ask yourself this, what if your moments could save a life, would you want to change it then? What if your greatest achievement till now, was that somewhere out there, oblivious to you, was one girl or one guy, or an old lady that drew strength from your story? Would you change it then? And what if recreating your moments meant that you would not be you, what then?
W h a t t h e n?
Words By Christina 